but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
