it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
