Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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