she woke up with a sticky ear
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
