Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize