Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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