if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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