Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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