It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
