You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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