the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
