Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
