Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We left the knife in your bed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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