I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
