That's intense
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want to make out with him forever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
