he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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