fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
