I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
