I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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