If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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