Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize