The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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