i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
