I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
50% drunk capacity currently
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
