If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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