Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
