Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She needs sedatives and a leash
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
