Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
