Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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