We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
