i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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