It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
