well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
