I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
