i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
