I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
