He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize