turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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