thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
