alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
