I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
