Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
