Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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