I am spending my child support on dildos
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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