Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
