Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
