Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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