So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
