What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
