i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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