I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
