Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
