You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
