Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I cockslap morals
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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