that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
