Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
