My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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