I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
