So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
