can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
