I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
