loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
