He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
