she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
