he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
