So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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