Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
