Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
