I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
