I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
