I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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