Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
