Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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