Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
