my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
