Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Found the puke drawer
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
