He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
