You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
