Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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