using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
