Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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