it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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