i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
