Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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