Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
