Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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