im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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