Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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