butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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