I accidentally had phone sex last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
