we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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