I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
