He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
