I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
