I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
