the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
