Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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