what day is it and did you see me today?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
