Jerry, you need to find god
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
