WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
