Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
