Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
