thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
