i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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