In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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